Being Friendly Or Way Too Chummy For Comfort

2 Oct

“We’re just friends” is an all too common showbiz mantra for couples in denial. Famous celebrity couples like Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck uttered these same words before photos of undeniable couplehood revealed what lies beneath.

This is not to say that platonic relationships don’t exist. They do. They, however, are so rare than it’s more likely to see a polar bear sunbathing on the beach than to find a man and a woman who see each other as nothing but friends. What makes this relationship close to nil are such things as opposite sex attraction, infatuation, and the factor of having a boyfriend or girlfriend…or both.

Let’s take a woman’s view on this matter. For someone whose boyfriend has a female friend, it can cause strain to the romance as the she-friend can come off as a threat to the real love in the man’s life. That’s you. How can you really tell if being friendly is just right, or if it’s becoming way too chummy for comfort?

The wise thing to do is to step back and evaluate the situation and yourself. Practice rational thinking and be objective. Maturity comes in handy, no wonder we always hear other grown-ups snap “grow up!” quite often. Observe your boyfriend’s attitude and actions toward his friend.

If he spends more time with her than with you or even with his family, then find an alarm and buzz it off. Does he call her more often or take her calls more happily than he does with you? If it’s a check, I see trouble on the horizon. Are they actually flirting with each other? You must know by now what flirting is. Is your instinct telling you that she likes your man in a romantic way? As a woman, this is your unexplainable gift from the universe. These questions can keep you in check as to whether you’re acting right or just overreacting with paranoia.

Whatever the actions of his friend are toward him, how far it will go or how soon it will stop all depends on the actions reciprocated by your partner. If he thinks his friend is going too far with her affection and easing ways, he should be gentleman enough to stop her for both of your sake. He wouldn’t want to hurt you and he wouldn’t want to keep her hopes up.

If for some unfortunate fate your partner can be a bit dense, it’s time to speak up. Okay, perhaps he’s just really friendly and doesn’t want to put any malice. Then, it’s best to have a talk with him rather than sulking and fuming with rage. Express to him your anxieties and be honest of what you feel. If you are hurt, jealous and threatened, tell him. Sincere, honest, and especially calm discussions can do wonders. You will be open with each other and you’ll get to analyze the situation. From there, you can reach a compromise or a resolution, or an agreement. If worse things happen and you end up separating, then there’s a chance that it would be an amicable one. But let’s not get there. Let us be positive and look at the brighter side. Talking like adults will clear things up for the both of you. For him, as to how you feel, and for you, as to what is really going on. Let’s just hope to God, he’s an honest man.

If he cares for you, he will respect you and will not wish to hurt you in any way. If on one hand, he neglects to heed your feelings, then it’s time to reassess your relationship. The important thing to consider is the relationship that is suffering. If in the end the bad gets worse, then it’s time to say goodbye. That way, you are giving him time to reflect about himself – what are the things that matter to him and who he wants to be by his side. As for you, taking a hike means you still have your self-worth firmly intact.

By the brilliant Jennifer Jennings

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